So, there's a lot to say right now, but nothing that I can really say. Wow, I know that didn't make any sense at all ;) Sorry, folks, just gonna have to hang with me for a bit...
Some interesting things have been happening in our lives lately - interesting is about the only word I can accurately describe for any of it, too. Some decisions are being made and choices coming to fruition and to tell you the truth, I don't even know what to think of it all. Some things are ok, some thing's are just meant to be the way they happen and yet others, I have no idea and it almost hurts to think about it. I guess the biggest decision is one that we made about three and half months ago that now we are considering going back on. At least, going back to the beginning and waiting, again.
I'm so torn. Probably doesn't help to watch movies like Dear John (which I just finished and it is WONDERFUL!!!), or other emotionally straining things at such a time, but sometimes, being the female that I am, I just need to cry. It helps relieve a lot of stress, even if there's really nothing to cry about...movies like The Notebook and now Dear John help me clear my head. Yes, I cry, sometimes to the point that I can't stop once the movie's over, but it's refreshing and cleansing and almost has a healing quality. I need that. I need to feel God's presence - His love, compassion, warmth and guiding hand. As much as things hurt, sometimes, it could all end up being for the good, so I can't complain. Or at least I try very hard not to ;) I'm a positive person, I enjoy positive and uplifting people...I haven't had anyone really close to talk to and confide in besides Brittney (my very best friend whom I love dearly). The problem is that we are so far away and sometimes I need a shoulder that's right next door. Wow, I'm being such a girl tonight! :p
Anywho, I'll try not to drag this out too much - I suppose all I'm asking is for a deep hug, a strong prayer and little love and compassion. I know you, if you're reading this, can give me at least one of those things and I thank you and appreciate you so much. Help us pray for the correct and Godly choices to come forth like a bright beacon - pray for our upcoming counseling, whenever that may be - and pray for strength, for us both. Thanks.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Goals for Me
Perry and I had a very heated discussion the other night, one that, unfortunately, we have had before. I say unfortunately not because of the discussion itself, but the fact that it has had to happen 2-3 other times for it to truly be put in words and circumstances that I can follow and understand. I feel like the older I've gotten (albeit I am only 27), the more forgetful and absent-minded I'm becoming. The discussion is about setting personal goals and sticking to them and focusing on me instead of everyone else, including him!
It hurt to hear those words...some definitely more harsh than others, but for him to tell me to basically leave him alone and quit trying to help him and take care of him all the time hurt. Of course, he was right. I have been focused so much on helping him, taking care of him, pampering him, that I have lost focus on myself. I have neglected myself. I have allowed myself to gain so much weight and have very little to no motivation to get the weight off...I simply sit in self-loathing and pity and depression for the weight I've gained. I'm frustrated at my job situation, I've just started back to school and am stressing on perfection in all my classes, and I've lost sight of taking care of ME!
How to correct this issue?? That's what the discussion was all about. Take care of ME! Be selfish! Wow - I've tried so hard for so many years NOT to be so selfish and now it's gotten so far in the other direction that I've been neglecting myself and not being selfish enough! So, we made a deal - for the next month, I am to concentrate and focus solely on me. Beginning a weight loss plan of my own, eating better, sleeping better, studying hard and not worrying about "us" time...if I can do all of these things for myself, he can guarantee the "us" time.
So, friends, family and followers - gonna have to start a log. I need good food, exercise, a regular sleep/study schedule. Any volunteers on a good way to start? Unfortunately, right now, my work and school schedules are a bit off, so finding a good exercise/walking buddy is difficult. However, there are prospects of a better job with normal hours which will help!
I suppose I should set goals first...realistic goals :) The healthier and happier and less-stressed I am, the easier other things in life can happen ;) So, first and foremost: weight loss. I need to loose at least 40 pounds to be back in the "healthy" range for my height and age. What would you suggest is a good benchmark time frame? 10-20 pounds by Christmas? Another 10-20 by, say, Spring Break? Any thoughts, suggestions, helpful hints, even constructive criticism is very welcome!!!!
Pictures: Me now....vs.....Me in 2006 (this is about a 50 pound change in 4 years!!!!) :*(
It hurt to hear those words...some definitely more harsh than others, but for him to tell me to basically leave him alone and quit trying to help him and take care of him all the time hurt. Of course, he was right. I have been focused so much on helping him, taking care of him, pampering him, that I have lost focus on myself. I have neglected myself. I have allowed myself to gain so much weight and have very little to no motivation to get the weight off...I simply sit in self-loathing and pity and depression for the weight I've gained. I'm frustrated at my job situation, I've just started back to school and am stressing on perfection in all my classes, and I've lost sight of taking care of ME!
How to correct this issue?? That's what the discussion was all about. Take care of ME! Be selfish! Wow - I've tried so hard for so many years NOT to be so selfish and now it's gotten so far in the other direction that I've been neglecting myself and not being selfish enough! So, we made a deal - for the next month, I am to concentrate and focus solely on me. Beginning a weight loss plan of my own, eating better, sleeping better, studying hard and not worrying about "us" time...if I can do all of these things for myself, he can guarantee the "us" time.
So, friends, family and followers - gonna have to start a log. I need good food, exercise, a regular sleep/study schedule. Any volunteers on a good way to start? Unfortunately, right now, my work and school schedules are a bit off, so finding a good exercise/walking buddy is difficult. However, there are prospects of a better job with normal hours which will help!
I suppose I should set goals first...realistic goals :) The healthier and happier and less-stressed I am, the easier other things in life can happen ;) So, first and foremost: weight loss. I need to loose at least 40 pounds to be back in the "healthy" range for my height and age. What would you suggest is a good benchmark time frame? 10-20 pounds by Christmas? Another 10-20 by, say, Spring Break? Any thoughts, suggestions, helpful hints, even constructive criticism is very welcome!!!!
Pictures: Me now....vs.....Me in 2006 (this is about a 50 pound change in 4 years!!!!) :*(
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